JANUARY 14 2013


            Once you hit fifty, things start to change; it’s gradual at first.  You barely notice things are happening.  Perhaps you’re just a little crabbier than usual.  You notice things too, like the house is just TOO hot.  You’re always buggering with the thermostat, turning the heat down, and every time you walk by a window, you open it.  This won’t even register in your brain as something wrong until you see your family sitting on the couch in their snowsuits, in September, because you’re freezing them out.  This is just the beginning.  You become steeped in a sort of unexplainable malaise that comes over you and never really goes away.  You just don’t feel right, and you don’t know why.  Deep in the early days of “the funk” the thoughts in your head start speaking with a different voice. 

All of a sudden, you can’t stand things; like the noise your husband makes when he’s breathing.  That little whistle as the air passes through his moustache on the way to his lungs is enough to make you want to grab a pillow and just smother him right there, in the recliner.  Little things like that start to matter!

Once the hot flashes really take hold, it changes everything.  In a matter of seconds you go from “everything is normal” to “I’m so hot  I can’t even see”  In 2 seconds in your hair is soaking wet, your hands are clammy, and sweat is dripping down your face and pooling in your bra.  You’re soaked to the skin and you just want to rip your clothes off RIGHT THERE!  This can cause some loss of composure- especially in public places.  It takes some practice to get through those 3 seconds without losing your mind. You’ll have lots of time to get used to this new normal.  The hot flashes pop off whenever they want; and this can happen several times a day, with absolutely NO warning signs.  It gets better.  Hot flashes have a nasty little cousin called “The Night Sweats.”  If you think you’re having trouble getting through the day, just wait until you go to bed.  Ah, sweet slumber.. until you wake up; disoriented and soaking wet.  Your hair is sticking to the pillow, and the nightie you put on is wet and clinging to your skin.  The sheets are soaking wet, and now you’re freezing.  Yu get up, take a shower, change, and freshen up.  Okay the, but what to do about the bed?  Do you wake Hubby up and get him out of bed s you can change the sheets, or just crawl off to the couch and pout until you fall asleep again?  Even if you go through all the rigamarole of getting Hubby up, changing the bedding, etc, you’re never going to be ahead of the game.  Three minutes after you fall asleep, it’ll happen again.     After a few months (yes, months) you sort of give in, or give up caring, anyway.  No matter what you do, it’s going to happen anyway.  You get used to feeling clammy and sweaty all the time. You’ll even get used to sleeping in the wet spot (your side of the bed). 


I don’t want to brag, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school!